I’m 20 years old and I don’t have a job.
When people see me, they seem to see a lazy girl…
What they don’t see is this:
I take college courses online. My grades are almost consistent A’s with the occasional B. I study for hours everyday to maintain those grades.
Besides doing well in school, it is also important to me to take care of my husband, so that takes up much of my time:
Everyday I stay-up late packing my husband a big lunch to take to work. Then I get up early to make him breakfast and see him off to work. He helps me with cooking dinner most nights because I’m 7 months pregnant, but as soon as I get my energy back I’ll be doing that again as well.
I keep the house clean and presentable at all times. Never let the laundry or the dishes pile up.
We also have several special needs (severe asthmatic, anxiety disorders, and diabetic) pets that I am the primary caregiver for.
I consider myself blessed to have a husband is not only is emotionally supportive of me and all of my dreams, but who also has a stable military career which allows him to make enough money to be financially supportive of our family as well.
We talked before we got married; we agreed we wanted to have our children while we were still young and we agreed that I should stay at home to raise them.
We figured that if we had kids while we were still young that we’d have the energy to actually play with them, run around the yard with them. We figured we’d have a better chance of enjoying our golden years if we weren’t still putting our kids through college. And that we’d have a better chance of being around to see our grandchildren grow up if we had our children while we were still young.
We also figured that if I stayed at home with our kids, that they might have the benefits of always having mommy there. Benefits like help with homework or someone to do arts and crafts projects with them. Maybe just the feeling of closeness with a parent which might give them a chance to grow up happier or more so well-adjusted than they would otherwise be if they were latch-key kids.
My husband and I had planned that once the kids were all in school and a little more independent, then I could get a part-time job and slowly start my career. In the mean time, taking college courses towards my degree keeps my mind exercised and prepares me for the career I hope to have once my children are grown.
I’m ambitious and motivated…very happy in my marriage and happy to become a mom…
I’m just so tired of being judged for my age, judged for the fact that I decided to start a family before starting a career…
Am I the only woman left who has these priorities? children first?
Or am I doomed to be labeled as “lazy” by all the other mothers at the play-ground?
should add
my husband is supportive of me
my father is supportive of me
my best friend is supportive of me
however
my sister feels that I am lazy for not working
my mother feels that I’m throwing my life away having kids too young
and every single woman in my birthing class shuns me for my age and/or the fact that I did not start my career first
I’m by far the youngest woman in class, and out of 20 women, I am one of three who plan to be a SAHM
I don’t judge the women who work, good for them being able to balance kids and a career. I don’t judge the women who waited to have kids: they do what is right for them…
I’m doing whats right for me
I’m just so tired of being judged for my decisions, so tired of feeling alone in my choices…
any other young moms out there who are SAHMs?
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So whats the problem..to hell of what others think
you stand up and dont be stay silent .. make some noise so people know your not a loser .. good on you ..
It’s not 1950′s. Make your husband do some work around the house. He is really the lazy one. But having a job and good grades is really not that hard, so I do think that you’re a bit on the lazy side…but not as much as your husband. What a sexist pig.
Being a stay at home mom is a very hard and selfless job believe it or not… I did it for 6 years before I went back to work when my kids started school.
I think alot of the feeling that others think you are lazy is really comming from your own fear that you may not be contributing enough in the marriage financially.
Just remember that what you are contributing can never be replaced or made up with extra hours overtime. Your kids will have a sound future with mom being the one raising them instead of a stranger in a dirty daycare.
Screw what other people think. You are certainly not the only woman left that thinks this way. I am a SAHM to three children, and I started VERY YOUNG. You will probably always deal with stuck up women who wanted their careers, or who disagree with your choice to have children young, or who were forced to work while having kids at the same time. Every person is different as is every situation. Just try and be patient, and enjoy yourself.
I could tell from the start you were also a military wife. I am a young wife(no kids) and there is a lot of judgement in general from people for young families. Majority are not military. PLease don’t let them get you down. If now works out financially, then that is allll that could ever matter. Look at those 30 somethings who are having kids and can’t even afford them, or pay their bills. As military wives, we are actually more mature in many ways. And we chose this life and love it, and a lot of people just can’t understand it. From what I’ve noticed there is no use trying to explain yourself either. They already have their minds made up about young families in general, that the fact that you are able to successfully and financially do it just can’t be heard by them. Just stay strong. It’s hard, but when you are 30 with a great career and well-raised children no one will even bother to judge or say a word. Best of luck darlin, and if you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to IM me or email me.
BULL! You are doing nothing wrong! You are awesome. There is NOTHING, I mean nothing wrong with putting your ambitions of a career, etc. on the backburner to raise children. If your spouse has a problem with this, then tell him to get his butt out there and make enough money to do this. I believe that children need their mom at home for at least the first 5 years or so, and only if it works with daycare, etc…AFTER THAT, should she go back to work. Don’t listen to these people. Times have changed. A stay at home MOM is NOT BAD! I do it, and I grew up in working like a dog America for women. Nowadays, women HAVE a choice. That means, if they want to raise kids, then that is OK. It’s how our wonderful law-abiding, brilliant CEOs and lawyers were raised. My parents did it, and my Mom stayed home. So how can that be bad?
Diane
You are not lazy, dont every believe you are. Its great that you are going to school. Its alot of work being a mom and going to school at the same time.
I also married a military man and was a SAHM and had my first child at 20. I did go to college eventually and have worked at times, but I have mostly stayed home with my children. My youngest child is now 5 and in kindergarden, but I still don’t work outside of the home. I have 5 children and that is a job in and of itself. I will go back to work when the next child graduates, but for now, I have more than enough work to do here at home. Lazy? Not by a long shot!
You seem to be a mature 20 year old. I had my Kids young and would not have changed that because I to want to enjoy my Golden yrs.Please disregard what people say and let them know that you and your Husband have made these choices together nd by no means are you lazy.Congrats on the new bundle of joy and I am glad that there is a strong married couple out there in this wicked world.
…You don’t have to defend yourself. Any women who has ever been a stay at home mommy KNOWS that it’s not a lazy job. At least not if you care about what you are doing. And even women who haven’t may have had mothers who were stay at homers and can tell you the demands of it.
I’m a SAHM myself and I have met with a lot of inconsiderate comments as well. People who don’t embrace that lifestyle choice probably WILL have negative things to say about it. The important thing is that YOU and your Husband KNOW that it’s right for your family.
I also was 20 when my first child was born… I was 19 when I got married and I have NEVER had a career. I have always wanted my family to be first in my life and I don’t regret it… ever. But I can tell you, it is very emotionally and physically taxing. I’m proud to say that my kids are first and that I would sacrifice material possesions for closeness and for the option to guide them. I saw Motherhood as a wonderful challenge and a calling and something that I wanted to succeed at. There is nothing Lazy about setting out to raise children and keep a home.
Fact is, you WILL have to deal with judgement every day. People just are that way. The best thing to do is to not personalize it. Be strong and know that what your doing for your kids is special. One they will appreciate as they grow and you will appreciate. Kids are only kids for a short while. But Most Mommies, Most Good mommies, be it working, stay at home, single or married, know that there is never anything lazy about being a mom… no matter what kind you are. Surround yourself with people who care about you and support your decision. I think you will be so happy with it.
O, and for the record… I am a housekeeper, a babysitter, a preschool teacher, a laundry service, a chef, a janitor, an excersize coach, an on call nurse, a librarian, a pupeteer and a poopie diaper changer… there is NOTHING lazy about that. I just don’t get paid for any of it.
God Bless and I wish you so much luck.
People who feel like this are convinced beyond dissuasion that the stay at home mom is a stupid bigoted man-hating leech. She sits around on her fat lazy *** watching Oprah and eating Cheetos and getting obese, then when her hard-working husband asks for the sex he “deserves” (because he pays the bills), she says no (because she is mean and evil). Then when she’s squeezed every penny out of his wallet she can, she divorces him and TAKES HIS STUFF.
In their minds this is obvious and blatant. Men good, women bad, stay-at-home wives evil fat stupid leeches.
And unfortunately I would guess that the majority of college-aged guys feel this way at one time or another.
You are trying to please people that don’t know you’re life. Also many of the people that say you’re lazy are just saying it to bring you down because they didn’t get to acheive they’re goals. The women at the playgrounds…um yeahhhhh….ofcourse they try to make themselves look better. Stand with you’re head held up. I think you are doing an awesome job. Thats what you need to hear…and should hear it if you’re loved ones really care about you….point. blank.period!
Judging By the way you wrote this with every little comma where they should be you seem very educated. I am also 22 Married with a child and one on the way! I found out I have diabetes so my husband now takes care of my 2 year old daughter most of the day until he goes into work at 4pm. My husband is 40yrs old and has a very well paying job, it’s very little of the family that like me of course
Young+A kid that is not his= GOLD DIGGER. It just makes me stronger and It feels good (not all the time) like if it’s Him & I against the world. My sister feels the same way that most parent that work do, but hey what doesn’t kill you just makes you stronger.
Hey try this website Ourcutebabies.com
Make a profile upload your pics of you’re growing tummy make new friends and talk to a lot of young mommy-to-be. Get a partner and when you are in labor that partner will notify the friends on the baby site when you gave birth. When your little one comes he takes over the page. Try it’s super cute. Let me know if you do so I can introduce my user name on is “babieriley”
You are complicating this way beyond the need to
Because you are still rather young-you are under the impression
that if people are not okay with your choices that it should matter
to you
When you get to be my age-49- you will be so tired of having
wasted so much energy being hurt by others who have no
business having an opinion of you- that you will probably
start eliminating them from your world
But, before you get to that point…
Just hug your belly (baby), kiss your hubby and
tell him thanks for loving you and your children enough
to give them the extreme blessing of having a full time
SAHM to make their life the secure
then just tell anyone who dares to spout off to you- with a cheeky smile -
“Your opinion of me, my life, and any choices I make
is NONE of MY business”
As for the other mothers in your baby class-it may have nothing to do with your SAHM-they just may be jealous of your youth, your beauty and your lack of space on a day care waiting list
Just make sure that you use your degree and create some kind of home based business (there are tons to choose from) so that if
there is ever a problem-you will have a solid money base to
fall back on
That’s what I say! To hell with what others think! I’ve been a SAHM for over 6 years now. Believe me, it’s nothing to sneeze at. It has always been and will forever be a thankless job. Your kids will remember that you were home with them. My parents both worked my whole life and I still credit them for raising me, but I remember my siblings being the ones who were with me all the time. Unless I was in day care…which I loved.
Bottom line…SAHM’s are NOT lazy. It’s a tough job and I commend you for sticking with it. A little advice, though…try to stay in touch with your friends. The other SAHM’s in your birthing class can be a great source of support. Keep in touch with them. We’re not lazy, but we get very lonely.
You don’t have to justify to anyone why you’re planning to be a SAHM, it’s yours and your husband’s decision and that’s good enough. I was a SAHM for 12 years and don’t regret it for one minute. And I worked hard at it, it wasn’t a 9 – 5 job when the kids were babies/toddlers I was on call 24/7. Enjoy your baby.