Ok so im a stay at home mum. Im only 20. I didnt finish school and i dont have any qualifications (yeah yeah yeah). When i left school i started a hairdressing course but i fell pregnant while i was doing it and the fumes from the hair dyes etc made me puke every few minutes so i ended up leaving. Anyway i miscarried and ended up getting too depressed and unmotivated to go back. I ended up falling pregnant again anyway.
So i have a 14 month old son who i stay home to look after and i am also almost 36 weeks with our second child. Yes as my pregnancy has progressed the house isnt as clean as when i wasnt pregnant and it was painless to move around etc. I still vacuum every day and do the dishes and of course look after my son! I put a comment on my facebook this morning “been up since atleast 4am, feeling shattered” and his sister put a comment “welcome to _____’s world having to go to work”!!! I just wrote a comment back “atleast he gets paid for it and gets a break 2 days a week” Like what is she trying to say? That i dont work? My fiance does work long hours (11-12 hour shifts) and night shift so he spends the day with us which is really nice. However he CHOOSES to work that many hours, his standard hours are just 8 hours a night. We arent short for money so anything over his 8 hours are optional. However i am a mum and a housewife, i dont get a break, i have not had more than a few hours (or however long son naps for) to myself for almost 15 months. Not that i am complaining as i love it. But i mean come on! Also adding to our family in the next few weeks and having 2 kids, harder than any paid job! Also they have put comments since the moment my son was born saying things like “make *me* do an honest days work” or “tell *me* to go out and get a job”. I mean if i went out and got a job, all my wages would go on my sons childcare!
Also his sister who puts these comments is 30, has no kids, but is married. They are thiking about starting to try for kids and i told her if she wants any tips or anything about pregnancy and trying to concieve im here and that i have plenty (it took us 15 months to fall pregnant after the miscarriage, so i know all the tricks and stuff they say to do). And she just said to me “oh its ok. your young and its easy for you and you dont know what id need to know”.
I try and ignore her, i have even deleted her off my facebook, but she just emails me instead! I get emails saying “you know you should really help out *fiance* more” or “i think its about time you got a job”. I never reply to these emails. However i am being forced to spend atleast a week with her at new years time and i think im going to seriously kill someone. My youngest will only be like 6 weeks old and she always tries to tell me what to do. When she has no kids. Ugh. Kill me now, lol. I sort of just needed to vent. Sorry its so long
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10 Comments Received
September 18th, 2009 @5:27 pm
Raising a child is the most important job of all…and the hardest. The only opinion that matters is that of your fiance. If you are both okay with how things are working, then don’t worry about it. When she starts in, don’t try and defend what you do, there’s no point. Just let her know it’s how you AND her brother have chosen to handle your family. Also, maybe hit on how your glad he has a sister who cares so much about her brother and that you’ll make sure and be alert to any indication he’s overworking or needs you to step up more. Keep it polite but firm.
September 20th, 2009 @1:00 am
nobody will understand until they have kids. as long as your fiance and u are fine, then i wouldn’t worry about it. say that your sorry that she doesn’t have kids to look after, but that u can’t wait till she does because it will be a blessing… just keep shoving every kind word at her. just say- oh i understand that it would bring in more money for our family for me to work, but u don’t knwo our financial situation, and we have saved, and we are doing just fine, we do not need to worrry about both parents working. i dont believe in having kids and having someone else raise them for me! i know ur job is hard, even tho i dont’ have kids… i looked after my niece for a whole year (kinda like a nanny) and… its super hard… just find an article on how its important to be a stay at home mom and email it to her. she is jealous cuz u getta stay home. be happy for ur situation, and if shez still rude, rub it in her face how happy u are by being as nice as possible. make sure u tell her that u and ur fiance both agree that raising ur own child is more important than having extra spending money for material things…
September 23rd, 2009 @9:05 am
I feel for you, it’s hard when your husbands family gives you such a hard time. My husbands family was the same way, and I eventually got tired of it. All I can say tho, is talk to your fiance about it let him know how you feel and how his sister is treating you. Maybe when he talks to them he always talks about how much he’s working and maybe his sister is taking it the wrong way. I would sit down with your fiance and talk it out with him and see what he says about it all. Best of luck and don’t let the sister bother you to much.
September 23rd, 2009 @2:27 pm
I kind of feel the same way. I was let go from my job at 26 weeks pregnant and my fiances mom was like well you need to get a job.. 1st off I get unemployment and 2nd Im having a baby in 14 weeks.. Who do you think would hire me for only 14 weeks then let me off for 6? Now my fiance is hearing crap from his mom about me not working and Im 37 weeks pregnant today.. WTF is her problem? Ok so I’ll look for a job for what 3 weeks? I am going to school full time right now and now I’m going to have a child any day now due to preelampsia.. I’d say eff your future sis in law because she is an idiot! Sorry I had to vent a little too
Oh and my fiance comes home and complains about not having dinner on the table and thats what a stay at home mom does.. The doctor told me complete bed rest so maybe he should get off his high horse too and COOK for me:)
September 23rd, 2009 @3:31 pm
Worry about your own life with your kids and your fiance, who cares what anyone else says. I mean 30 no kids, maybe she is just jealous that you have two children and a fiance that obviously does take care of you guys. Besides you are twenty do a good job taking care of the children and when the youngest is in kindergarten you can go back to school and get a career, is never too late by that time she will be 35 and probably no kids. If you follow trough getting a career you will be making more money than she made between 30 and 40, by the time you are 35 and most important your children will be bigger, and that is what will give you the edge. because having kids is not easy but if you start later in life even with a house paid and brand new vehicles paid you have many other things to worry about, specially the well being of the child. So simply get into a mode of planning your life without having to answer to anyone else other than to your fiance and your kids. GOOD LUCK……
September 25th, 2009 @1:46 am
I am a SAHM also with a 4 year old and a 1 year old and it by no means is easy. My husband drives a truck so he is only home a few days out of the month so I am really doing everything home wise all by myself. Have you told your fiance about this I would and show him the emails because maybe she keeps on because he won’t stand up to her and defend you. Better yet I would tell her off myself and let her know I don’t think she needs to have kids because people like her shouldn’t bring children into this world.
September 25th, 2009 @6:26 pm
I know how you feel, my fiances family are always saying how he must be tired and how he must be finding it difficult now that we have bought a house. I work 3X12 hours days and then 2x 3 hour days. i pay all the bills, except his car bills, his mobile and the house repayments (he takes care of them). But they always make out like i don’t help him out enough.
I don’t have any kids, but I am a child care worker and am desperately wanting my own children (apparantly he gets to make the decision on when we have a kid no matter how depressed i get about not having one).
Anyways my answer to your blog is that yes your partner’s family are being mean in your eyes and they just care about him and are not even thinking about you or your babies. I agree with you being a stay at home is hard work and being a working mum is just as hard, especially if your partner is not one to lend a hand. You will get through this and to be honest part of me just thinks his sister is jealous of you, which is probably why she doesn’t want your advice either. She thinks that she is older, probably more educated/ got a career and she doesn’t need to listen to her young sister in law. At least you’ve told her you are there, now its up to her if she wants to come to you and ask. Maybe give her like a day with your newborn baby at new years eve to give her the baby experience she is obviously wanting….it might make her realise just how hard it is.
September 26th, 2009 @4:56 pm
Your mans sister is way out of line….I am sorry to say it but nobody gets what its like till they have children themselves, they can try but it wont work. Being a mum and housewife is far more work then having a full time job, seriously I sometimes contemplate swapping with my partner so I would get three breaks a day and weekends off (but I wouldn’t earn as much as he does) I am a stay at home mum too, because I want to be there for my kids and I don’t want someone at a childcare centre raising my children. I feel blessed that my partner earns enough for me to be able to stay at home. Not many people get to, so I don’t judge those who have to work and put their kids in childcare. Unfortunately the economy these days and the cost of living doesn’t leave people with much of a choice! I did take up a part time job about a year ago and I ended up totally stressed out, and because my other half got used to me doing everything in the house he wasn’t helping out and the housework slid, so I quit!! Tell your sister in law that she doesn’t have children and she doesn’t know what she is talking about. Looking after kids and doing all the house work is a life’s work 24/7 and we don’t get to have a brew break in the morning, lunch break and an afternoon tea break either!! You have every right to feel pissed off!
PS If your partner doesnt have a problem with it then tell his sister to keep her big mouth shut!!
September 27th, 2009 @2:12 pm
lol my fiance’s parents are kinda the same, saying that I should cook his dinner every night, do his washing and all the rest of the housework etc because he works more than I do…I’m 32 weeks pregnant and still have my own job!!! then he got pee’d off when I SUGGESTED once I’m on maternity pay we try to put what i get into savings and use his earnings for rent/bills etc cause he said he’d actually be ‘earning’ his money so was going to spend it on whatever he liked…then started going on about his managers’ wife etc who has a full time job, kids, does the housework and still finds time to cook his dinner every night without complaint. sheesh I hate these perfect housewives -_-
September 27th, 2009 @8:26 pm
I think she’s just jealous of you. She is 30 and has no kids – that can’t feel good. I know women that say they don’t want kids and some don’t but some will just tell themselves and others that to try and feel better about the situation they are in. That whole, I’m better than you because I work complex stems from her own feelings of inadequacies. Don’t give her the satisfaction of getting ticked. Just cheerfully say, well maybe you’ll see someday if you ever have kids. It will burn her to the core and shut her up for a bit.
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