Though women have long argued the merits of whether going to work or staying home is better for the child, few women consider if it’s right for them. If you aren’t happy staying at home, then there’s certainly no way your children are going to be happy.

Some women easily give up their jobs and dedicate themselves full-time to caring for their children until they reach school age. As Oprah likes to say, it is the hardest job in the world-and it certainly isn’t for everyone. Several years ago, Helen Kirwin-Taylor, an American reporter working for the Daily Mail newspaper in England famously wrote a story called, “Sorry, but My Children Bore Me to Death” about how her children were not interesting enough to stay home with and that she would miss her work and socializing with adults. Of course, people on both sides of the argument came out swinging with strong arguments. While SAHM’s slammed her, there were plenty of other women on the opposing side cheering her.

The reality is that taking care of kids is hard work that most often falls to the mom. For some families, there is no decision to be made because economic factors don’t allow for the mom (or dad) to stay home. These days, it is common for both parents to have to work simply to afford paying for the typical bills, food and rent.

In other cases, there are families where one spouse has a very healthy single income, and it is possible for one spouse to stay home if they choose to. If you can afford to stay home and you’re wondering if you are a candidate to be a SAHM, be sure to ask yourself these questions:

Will you feel proud of what you do? When this inevitable question comes your way: what do you do for a living? Will you proudly and confidently be able to say: “I am a stay at home mother!” If you will guiltily respond with a lie or be ashamed and tap dance around the answer because you are worried that someone will cast downward eyes on your because you are wasting your college degree, then you should totally be working. There is no indignity in raising your children should that be what you want to do. But there’s also nothing wrong with not wanting to spend every waking moment with your kids either.

Can you give up the social aspects of work? If you lust after talking to adults and can’t fathom the thought of talking to a 4 year old all day, then you’d likely be better off working. Caring for a child daily requires patience and a selflessness that allows you to give up things willingly and without remorse. There is no hashing out details in meetings, no strategizing with the boss or water cooler talk at home. Instead you can immerse yourself in putting together a detailed schedule to manage your day with your kids, planning healthy meals, and still have heated discussions with other moms about world politics.

Do you like playdates? If the thought of spending time with a group of other moms and their children bores you beyond belief, then this is clearly another sign that you are probably not a stay at home mom contender. If you’re worried that all playdate conversation consists of nothing more than talk about drool and the color of poop, then you’ve got it all wrong. It really doesn’t have to happen this way if you hook up with moms that have similar aspirations and ideals as you do. You can start a playdate group with moms where they are forbidden to chatter about their babies for no more than 20% of the time, and the rest of the time can be talk about starting a home-based business, the state of Afghanistan, the discovery of the latest galaxy, or the latest trends in slimming jeans. Play dates don’t have to be mind numbing gatherings that is just about the kids. There’s plenty of brain power to be used in a gathering of smart women with children.

There’s no right or wrong answer to either going to work or staying at home after having children, and there’s benefits to both. If your kids go to daycare, they will inevitably learn to socialize, share and learn to deal with other humans beyond just those in the household. For kids that stay at home with mom, they will get all the nurturing and closeness with mom (or dad) that will help them grow into healthy adults. At the end of the day, you also have to consider what is not only best for your kid, but how you will feel if you decide to stay home. It certainly isn’t for everyone, but it can have great reward.
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